bride & true.

To whom it may concern.

In the event of my absence please notify the appropriate authorities and have them check the floor of the international mail room at the Dublin General Post Office. I fear I may have fallen out of the envelope. If I do not turn up there, I can most likely be found on Bridge Street at The Brazen Head. I fear I may have fallen off the wagon.

If neither happens to be the case, my trusty literary executrix (point to self) has been given a copy of this ransom note to be read via proxy to the bride, groom, all assembled, and dissembled.

My friends, and no small amount of bill collectors, refer to me as Brian ...

Brian Carr. But if you happen to bump into me after the reception, I will gladly answer to Brian "can I get you another drink?"

Today, however, is not about hydration, rather it is a day we join together in celebration to honor the bond between Renee and Sunil; a bond that has spanned 3,900 miles, two continents, and a fairly minor puddle in between.

(For those of you having trouble with the conversion rate, it is 6,276 km).

It was precisely two decades ago when I first met Renee, give or take another decade. We met over a folding board at the Gap and became instant friends, attending the University of Texas together and eventually becoming roommates. If Renee ever needs a credit reference I can vouch that she always paid the rent on time.

Among her many talents, cooking has to be at the top of the list -- Renee certainly knows her way around a kitchen, especially the exits.

Once she learned to remove the cardboard insert from a frozen pizza before heating it in the oven, our calls to 911 were cut in half. I mention this factoid for purely selfish reasons, only as a logical segue into an applicable Joan Crawford quote: "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down the house you can never tell."

Now, Sunil, don't let any of this scare you off. Any man who can capture the attention and love and praise of Miss Ryerson is that rare creature who so often eludes us. That you two have found each other is both heartening and restorative; it renews our faith that despite protestations to the contrary, we do often end up with the happiness that we deserve. You have married a girl we used to know with the kindest, gentlest and loving heart who became the woman who sits next to you today. It is a noble pairing that will continue to grow and thrive and shine as a beacon of light to all who know you.

I am parched.

With that, I propose a toast to the bride and groom, hopefully with crystal goblets. Much like with love, as Dorothy Parker once observed, "Styrofoam will not do."