a pirate looks at forty

When I was 12, I ate a plain cheeseburger -- no condiments, no lettuce, tomatoes or pickles on the 73rd floor of the Westin Peachtree Plaza Hotel in Atlanta and got a copy of the menu as a souvenir. When I was 32, I ate a plain cheeseburger -- no condiments, no lettuce, tomatoes or pickles on the lanai of Jimmy Buffet's Cheeseburger In Paradise in Lahaina, Maui and got a copy of the credit card receipt as a souvenir.
I swam in the cerulean blue waters of the Caribbean at the foot of the Mayan ruins in Tulum. And I have white water rafted on some river in Belize... I forget the name. I have stood on the rim of the Grand Canyon four times, at Yavapai Point and yelled my name and heard it echo ten times. I have straddled the continental divide, and then peed at a nearby rest area all the while wondering if my piss would ultimately reach the Pacific or the Atlantic.
I'll never know for sure.
Then there was the time that I kayaked in Montego Bay, Jamaica, and got so sunburned that I shed skin for 3 weeks.I have driven the road to Hana, but got bored after two hours so drove back to the hotel to drink another drink with a biodegradeable umbrella.
I have sipped cocktails at the top of the Hancock Tower in Chicago, but ordered a Sidecar on a dare and thought it tasted like cherry flavored Sucrets. I have built two houses and found out that it wasn't as bad as everyone claims. I have walked the sidewalk outside Graumann's Chinese Theater but never saw Marilyn's handprints. I have owned five cars, and will never buy a Chevy again. I bought a Chevy in 1984, and will never buy a Chevy again. Did I mention my first car?
I rode the streetcar in Portland and shopped at the world's largest bookstore that required a map of the store and ended up buying a book that I could have just as easily purchased at Barnes and Noble, or Amazon.com.
I have shopped online, repeatedly.
I learned how to ice skate, but cannot drive a stick shift or roller skate backwards. I have canoed down the Cuyahoga river and seen Indian Burial mounds from the banks of the Erie Canal.
I have walked 30 blocks alone in New York City at midnight after seeing one of Idina Menzel's final performances in Wicked, and managed not to get mugged.
I have been mugged in downtown Dallas.
I have lived. I have loved. I have lost. I have won. I have written.